July 20, 2014

Phone Dump

Or- "Playing With Filters While Emptying Folder"

Backyard Storm


Follow Your Dreams
(Or- Famous Last Words)

In Sepia Times

If You Build It


Follow Your Dreams II
(Or- Your Dreams Aren't Down There)

Narcissism II

Mass Hysteria

We Keel You!

Spanish Moss Holders

July 17, 2014

The Legs For It!

I got my panties in a bunch the other day when I read this article Coming In Last. Anyone who knows a damn thing about me can find out why.

One phrase.

"I've never been a runner. At 4'9" I certainly don't have the legs for it."

I, of course, must call bullshit. I would have accepted things like-

"Because I am a double-amputee, I certainly don't have the legs for it." (provided she can't afford those awesome bionic prostheses, right?).

"Because I have amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, I certainly don't have the legs for it."

"Because I refuse to run or do any kind of strength training on a regular basis, I certainly don't have the legs for it."

"Because I'M FUCKING ON FIRE, I certainly don't have the legs for it."

Sure. There are a number of things that would make sense here. But her height? With no existing medical problems? No congenital diseases that caused her to be short? A perfectly healthy and proportionate woman who just happens to be 4'9"?

Fine, later on the in the piece, she does cop to the fact that her friend told her height has nothing to do with it, but that still doesn't mitigate the "Yeah, me too!!" in the comments section.




Is something wrong with me? Seriously. I've heard short women comment on their height before, and the things they *can't* do because of it. Maybe it was how I was raised. My mom is 4'8". My sister is 4'8". I'm the runt at 4'6". Maybe it was because I was surrounded by short women. I never noticed. I know people at school would comment, and my friends still do of course, but I still don't really notice. It has never once, in my whole LIFE, occurred to me to use my height as a fall-back for things I can't do.

When the guys at the skydiving place were having trouble finding a parachute for me? Pfft... whatever. They'll find one eventually. But it never occurred to me that I couldn't skydive because of my height. What sense does that even make?

Someone asked me the other day if I've ever had to use a foot pedal extender for driving. Nope. Never. Not once. Even in Sarge's F150. It never would have even dawned on me to use a foot pedal.

But running? That article was a kicker. Dude. If you have healthy legs, you can run. If you have determination, you can run fast. ANYONE CAN.


So, in the spirit of that. I did a 'speriment. After taking a 12-day hiatus from running, I got up at 3:30 this morning and ran. I decided, to make it even more in-your-motherfucking-face, I'd walk 30 seconds for every 1 minute of running.

How did that go? I ran 2 miles in 24 minutes. That is a 12-minute mile, for all of you 3rd-grade-math deficient folks out there. Two 12-minute miles. With my pathetic little short legs. After not running for 12 days. At 3:30 in the morning. With ZERO nutrition in my poor, pathetic, tiny little body.

And how does that stack up to other last-placers? Well, let's see, why don't we?

Burger and Beer 5K in Chicago, IL-  Last place time was 58:33 (18 minute mile)
Summer Steamer 5K in Kennesaw, GA- Last place time was 50:36 (15 minute mile)
The Hunger Run 5K in Ayer, MA- Last place time was 55:32 (17 minute mile)
And finally (because it's fucking awesome)
Diabolical Boob 5K- Last place time was 1:08:45 (21 minute mile)

So. I think I've fucking made my point. Height, my dear, has NOTHING to do with it.

Well, of course, then there's this....