August 3, 2012
Run ~ Girl ~ Go! IX
Shit don't get more dumb than a bitch icing her shin splints til it's numb so she can finish running.
If it works, ya know?
And it does work.
For a minute or two ;-)
Sarge just told me I have a "spicy little attitude."
Which he then followed up with, "That's a polite way of saying bitch."
And that is why I love him so.
Even if he is suckin' snot and following me around the house saying, "I'm sick! Baby me! Now!"
He's on leave by the way. That's "vacation" to all of you non-military types. 11 days? Maybe 12? I forget. If you ever want to test the strength of your relationship, spend a couple of weeks just chillin' with each other. Nothing else to do. All day. Long.
We're actually pros at it now. We work well together. Here's how.
1. Laugh long and loudly.
2. Never settle for 2nd place in the name-calling contest.
3. Realize that if you legitimately clear your throat, you have then set off a viral throat-clearing meme that will continue to be passed between every single member of the household for hours. Or days.
4. If you will not be serving dinner at exactly the right time (which is never concrete and can change from day to day), then be prepared for the "Are you hungry?" meme. This serves two purposes. First, it is a gentle reminder that you, by virtue of the fact that your fat ass is still sitting on the couch, have not begun making dinner, and the menfolk are hungry. And secondly, it gives you the opportunity to deal with the situation by ordering pizza. Pick one early and make it happen. Or deal with the consequences.
5. Consequences can be anything from a gentle ribbing to a full-on war waged against the size of your ass, what you are wearing, any wifely duties that have not been completed, the weeds in the garden, your TV programming choices, or any and all embarassing things you have ever done in the last 35 years of your life.
6. All consequences can be mitigated with sex. Or ignored by running.
7. Number 6 is the answer to everything. EV- UH- REH- THANG.