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"Mrs. Davis, your calves are HUGE!"
Ahhh.... sweet Joshy Josh. I've known him since he was wee. Okay, 2005, when we moved to our neighborhood. But he's still wee. Hasn't hit his growth spurt yet. All you have to do is look at my Drewbear to see what kind of height-havoc growth spurts wreak on little boys.
None of that is the point.
The point is that I do have huge calves. For a girl. For a 4'6" girl. Easily the size of softballs. And softballs are partly to blame.
Three seasons. I played catcher. A damn good one, too. Pretty much doing squats for 9 innings tends to make your calves explode. I'm sure it was just the catcher part that did it, considering I probably hit a ball with a baseball bat (as opposed to my head) maybe 3 times in 3 years. I certainly wasn't running bases.
Tae Kwon Do. Three or four years. I competed. I was chosen to be on my school's demo team, so I was training 5-6 days a week. Part of which included up-n-down laps on concrete stadium stairs. I was damn good at that, too. Apparently, I'm pretty damn good at everything, right? But the 5-6 days a week thing kinda burned me out. I'm really damn good at burning out.
Three years of marching band. From 8th grade to 10th. Marching Band. Need I say more?
And running. I started running off and on probably somewhere around '08. At that point, I was just running from mailbox to mailbox- sort of my own version of Couch to 5K, since I didn't know it existed. I really started running in earnest around 2010. Meaning, most days of the week, for a significant amount of time and distance.
Yes. My calves are huge. For my size. They are. I don't have cankles. Thank god. Eeewww! No. It is very obviously muscle. And when I flex, they look totally. fucking. BADASS. Yes. They do.
I have come to embrace them. Although it took a while. For a long time, I thought I should be petite everywhere. But I was not. I am built. I've been active for most of my life. My bones are strong. I have meat on them. I have muscle. I have fat.
Especially since I quit smoking. I kinda got a little bit juicy. No longer. That is getting fixed as we speak.
Oh yeah. My calves are huge. And yes, I have learned to be proud of them. I love them. They carry me and move me. They give me strength. They tell stories. They are a picture in the middle of the book of me.
And they draw attention away from my fat ass.
So, thank you, Josh. You are ever the sweetheart. But here is a tip from your other mother across the street- Never ever use the words "you" and "huge" in the same sentence when commenting on a girl's body to her face. Not even her boobs. Yer just lookin' for trouble ;-)
I had to reach this point about my ass. It's toned, but it will never be small. They tell me that's a desirable trait--a large ass. It's not Kardashian worthy, but it is prominent. I have now gotten to the point I feel badly for ladies with no junk in the trunk---sort of feel like somebody stole something from them.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the love of God--how does your physical activity resume sound so much like mine? I did Taekwondo, albeit after I was 25. I was in marching band 4 years. I played catcher because I was a danger to myself anywhere else.
Cankles. Worse than fat ass, big calves and droopy boobs any day of the week.
Yeah, Bobina doesn't even like me to call her huge boobs huge. she prefers full or volumptous or anything but huge.
ReplyDeleteYour running will likely lean them out a little.
btw, I'm proud of you for your quitting of the smoking and your running. you're awesome.
<----------- total bank geek. As in, from 6th grade on, I marched all summer as a floater when the drill was being learned and then once high school hit, I was in full time.
ReplyDeleteSoccer- 5th grade- 10th with a varsity letter.
Xcountry- lettered sophmore year. Once I got the stress fracture in my leg during soccer in the spring, I was pretty well done; plus, the following fall I got my driver's license so that meant I could make $$.
I did some Tae Kwon Do, but nothing competitive.
At this point, I have lumps and bumps in my legs. I'm pretty sure if you would cross your eyes, they might look like muscles. :D
OMG! Band was exactly the same! 8th grade was the youngest they chose alternates, so I stood in for the trumpets but mostly ran flags for the flag corps. Long story about how I wound up with the nickname "Tumbleweed." Once I got to high school, I was hot shit until I just couldn't stay sober anymore. Long story there, too.
ReplyDeleteI keep forgetting about your petiteness which really is a shocker. Sugar, there is nothing petite about your personality... My calves are small. Actually my legs are quite skinny. But my shoulders are stout. I see men staring at me, I know they see my shoulders. I see them.
ReplyDelete:)
p.s. are you going to merge some blog action or stick to the double program?
;-) I love you.
DeleteI thought about a merge, but I think it would feel weird. My personality actually changes from this blog to GIM. They are both entirely different me's. When I am writing for GIM, my brain shifts into Deus Ex Machina (the Aimee few people know) and then I am able to really write. And when I post here, my brain shifts back to Me (the Aimee people expect from me) and I am able to be funny and pointless. I honestly don't think I want them to merge.