While Jake was busy running up and down the aisles yelling, "Stranger danger! Stranger danger!"
And while Andrew was busy texting me
"Where iz u?"
"I can't find u!"
"I still can't find u!"
"I thought u sed u wuz in the bread!"
"I can't see u!!"
I uncovered a rather profound truth as I stood in line at the cash register today. And I feel it is my duty as a citizen of this world to share this with you. It was quite enlightening, albeit sad. You see, I have discovered that humanity will never achieve world peace.
Never.
Why?
Well.
It's quite upsetting, actually.
Why we will never be able to experience zen on a global scale.
It is because her ass is busy eating it.
Sorry.
I think she can't spell. What she really wanted to say was "Ya want a piece of this?" bwahahaha! See the Seinfeld episode where old man Stiller (Mr Costanza) is yelling over and over at Elaine "YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?" And she couldn't for the life of her keep a straight face. Hila-fucking-rious!
ReplyDeleteThat is F-ASS-TASTIC!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI would be utterly terrified if I got a piece of her. Any piece. She had a baby handprint tattooed on her titty. And every time she bent over to get something out of her cart, her tits looked like they were literally vomited themselves out of the top of her shirt. She had at least 20 boxes of store-brand macaroni and cheese a cake with pink icing from the deli. But when she turned that ass around, I felt a deep sense of sorrow for those poor sweatpants.
ReplyDeleteOh, I don't know about that. It could have said "Juicy." And she could have been wearing slippers. And it looks like she might be wearing a bra. I'll refrain from comments about curlers because, well, I can't see her head. :lol:
ReplyDeleteThe bad thing about this (well, there's obviously more than one)--this chick needs to eat right and get fit but why the hell is she making her issues worse?!! There are clothes out there making a person this size look presentable and even *nice*--I've had many large friends who kept themselves well-groomed and didn't intentionally go out and commit fashion suicide. As one of my plus-size, extremely successful and happy friends says, "Just because they sell it in that size does not mean it's responsible to buy it and wear it!!" Of course, those pants are about 6 sizes too small for that ass.
ReplyDeleteWhat's pathetic is I truly believe that woman thinks she IS presentable and there's no way the tiny woman behind her trying to surreptitiously take a picture is passing judgement! Don't get me wrong--if you go out in public like that, you are either doing it on a bet or looking for judgement!
In fact, a friend and I have a file picture we e-mail back and forth of a chick whose ass is busting out of Daisy Duke shorts at a McDonald's--it has to be pulled out when we confess to a high carb day or eating Mexican for lunch!
Moi?! Passing judgment? Perish the thought!
ReplyDeleteBut I think you're right. The way she carried herself. It was very clear that she was proud of the meat she was slingin'. And lemme tell ya, she slung that shit in every direction.
Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations for myself, but if I am leaving my home, I have a few standards that I usually adhere to. If you can count the dimples on my ass, it's too tight. If my tits fall out the top of my shirt, it's too low. And then I do this silly little thing called "looking in the mirror." I know, I know! It's crazy, right?!