February 26, 2011
See. When I first started running a few years ago, I tried running barefoot. I didn't know anything about the "minimalist running" culture at the time. All I knew was that it felt right. That shoes felt heavy and clumsy. That I could run faster when I was barefoot. It felt natural. I'm not sure if having flat feet contributes to that or not, but I do. Have flat feet, that is. So flat that my wet footprints look like little blobs of blobby blobs. You can't even tell the difference between my toes and my heels. It's just a big blob. Flat. Flat. Flat.
Flat feet. Tiny feet. Alabama country girl rolling down the hill in Gram's front yard for hours of wicked amusement back when we didn't have PSPs and iPhones and interwebz.
All of this adds up to shoes just being a gigantic thorn in my fucking side.
Until last week, that is. I've seen these before and was only slightly interested. Saw them again at a shoe store in Myrtle Beach last weekend. Sarge encouraged me to try them on. Of course, the adult sizes were too big, so out came the kids shoes. Once I found a size that fit, it was like magic. MAGIC I TELL YOU! They just slid right on like I should have been born with them. MAGIC.
And to top it off, the kids sizes were 40 bucks cheaper! It was fate. It was kismet. It was MAGIC.
Of course, I was still hurtin' like a bitch, but I bought 'em anyway.
This past Wednesday was the first chance I have had to really try them. Yes, even after all my bitching, narcotic-popping, Ace wrapping bullshit from last weekend, I ran anyway.
Holy CHRIST ON A FUCKING CRACKER! These shoes are the best invention since FOOD! You are actually supposed to land on the balls of your feet, just like when you first started running. But in tennis shoes, in traditional running, everyone says you should land flat. It feels weird. It feels wrong. Why? Oh, because it is.
I ran faster, naturally, because it felt right. And it was as though my hamstring did not even fucking exist. It engages completely different muscle groups. It is a completely different movement. A completely different running experience altogether.
You're supposed to start out slow, and with my injury, that really wasn't a problem. There should be a kind of "transition period" as you switch over from tennis shoes. I ran for a good half mile before I switched back to my tennis shoes to finish my run. The second I started running with my tennis shoes, BAM. Felt my hamstring again. I ran anyway, of course. That was Wednesday.
Friday, I ran 4 miles in them suckers. The hamstring pain was GONE. The groin pull was GONE. I am not exaggerating. It was like the injury never fucking existed. Dude. I am so super excited, you have no idea.
ANYWAY. New subject. Went to the Army Prom Friday night. See?!? I know, right? I'm so super hot in my $25 dress. I was making a statement, you see. That bitches ain't gotta spend hundreds of dollars on a stupid ass dress for a couple hours of pomp and circumstance and bad food. I didn't wear hose, either. No Spanx. No makeup. Brushed my hair. Wore a pair of old shoes I've had for years. Sarge paid more to dry clean his blues than I spent from head to toe. I am such a REBEL, I tell you!
Okay, new subject. I was trying to clean out a bunch of straggly things that have been taking up real estate in my fridge for far too long. You know, a couple of cans of crescent rolls, some cream cheese, a bag of chocolate chips.... You see where I'm going with this, right?
Don't fucking judge me. I ran this morning. I did my part!
But OH MAH GAWD. That shit was good.
So anyway. I don't have any subjects left. My brats are still tards. My dog is still useless. Sarge still has MS. And I am still really fucking awesome.
Til next time, freaks!