February 11, 2012

Maybe It's Just A Me Thing?

February 11, 2012

You know how when you take an afternoon nap, and then you wake up RAVENOUSLY starving?  For some reason, it never happens in the morning, when you have presumably gone 5, 6, or 8 hours without food, but you fall asleep on the couch for a fucking HOUR, wake up in that foggy, sweaty afternoon nap zombie state, and the next thing you know there is an empty box of Girl Scout cookies in your lap and your whole family is cowering in a corner staring at you like you have a dick growing out of your forehead. You know what I'm sayin'?


You act all bitchy and then your husband is all like, "Why can you be in a bitchy mood and be all bitchy and whatnot with all your bitchiness, but when I'm in a shitty mood and try to be bitchy, you tell me I can't.  That's a DOUBLE STANDARD!"

And then you're all like, "But I'm just bitchy, you were being mean."

And he's all like, "Mean?  MEAN?  You just yelled at me and told me if I don't hide the rest of the Girl Scout cookies, you would throw them in the trash! MY GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! You're the one being mean!"

And then you're like... crap.  Now you have to go in the garage and apologize, but it's so damn cold.  Can't you just wait until he comes back inside and apologize?  But then it's like, if you wait until he comes back inside, then he's had all sorts of time to stew on it and get even bitchier, so by the time he comes back inside, even though you have totally forgotten about threatening the life of his cookies, he's gotten his little heart all twisted up like a pretzel and mere apologies will no longer work.

Shit.  I'm going to have to go out in the cold, aren't I?


I could just let it go, let him get his little self all worked up in a frenzy, and then have mindblowing make-up sex, yes? YES?

Sigh..... So many decisions to make on this, the day of my daughter's wedding,  brilliantly lazy Saturday.  I have a feeling this is going to require more Girl Scout cookies....

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