Illiterolexiphanicrap

January 31, 2012

I have to have small apples and small bananas, not big ones.  

I like big clementines, not the tiny hard ones. 

 I have to have the big red seedless grapes.  The BIG ones that are hard, and when you bite into them, they have a good pop to 'em. 

I subscribe to the "eat like a dog" philosophy.  This means I eat exactly the same thing every day.  It's a weird OCD kind of thing, I guess.  The rare times that I eat anything outside of my regular stuff, I will usually get sick. 

I was doing some light reading about universes the other day and every time it said the "Ω" symbol, the voice in my head would say "horseshoe," even though I know it is omega.  So, when I read "If Ω > 1, then the geometry of space is closed like the surface of a sphere." The voice in my head would say "If horseshoe is greater than 1, then the geometry of space is closed like the surface of a sphere."  I just hope that the cosmological curvature parameter is larger than 10⁻³ so that we can all hurry the hell up and figure this shit out in my lifetime.  But truthishly, I'm just a girl and don't really know about such thingies. 

When I brush my teeth, I separate my mouth into 8 sections.  Left bottom, top, side; right bottom, top, side, front teeth, and tongue.  Each of the left and right sections get exactly 40 brush strokes.  My front teeth and tongue each get 100 brush strokes.  Dude.  Shut up.  No.  Shut the fuck up.  Don't fucking judge me!

I named my shadow when I was a kid.  Only a few lucky souls are privy to this information.  I talk to her frequently.

I still love standing underneath ceiling fans and spinning around in the opposite direction.

I have actually searched the internet for sit-n-spins made for adults.  No luck so far.

I like to wake up my youngest kid in the morning by sucking his hair into the vacuum cleaner hose. 

All day long, every time I walk past a mirror or other reflective surface, I smile at myself.  We narcissists are a predictable bunch. 

Even though I own and use Microsoft Outlook for my 4 different email accounts (don't ask), I still keep a handwritten calendar.  All the regular monthly things, birthdays, appointments all get their own color of marker.   I have honestly tried to use the Outlook Calendar, but it just ain't the same.  As an aside, I lost the spelling bee in the 6th grade because I misspelled "calendar." 

I've done my own taxes almost every year since I was 18.  How can I look myself in the mirror with any kind of dignity if I assume that I can teach my own children yet cannot do my own taxes?  It's actually kind of fun.

I'm, like, bored and junk.  

I actually made it through an entire blog post without talking about my damnable hamstring or my kids' driver's ed class!

But then I just ruined it.

Damn.