November 27, 2011
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away……
No, not really. But it’s on TV right now, for those of us who hate football, Christmas movies, and toy commercials.
I’m just here, doing stuff. And whatnot. How are you? That’s nice. So, I’ve been told that Christmas is a month away. Is that right? Oh, the strange and blinky/flashy things you humans celebrate!
I am not a holiday kind of girl. Not even a little. Truly, the whole shebang is just a pain in my ass. That kinda includes birthdays, too. I have been trying for a couple years now to get the whole fam on the “cancelling birthdays” bandwagon. With no success.
I hate cooking, so Thanksgiving is a non-holiday, just serving to piss me off that Dominos was closed. As was the Chinese place.
Christmas? My kids are fucking teenagers. Can’t we cancel the present-buying conspiracy already? I’d much rather save the money for a no-expense-spared trip to some exotic country.
Obviously, I am overruled on all fronts. I even got the stinkeye this year for effectively cancelling Sarge’s birthday without his knowledge or consent. Ahem. Fine. It was a bitchy thing to do.
I figure I’ll just toss the boys a wad of cash and call it Christmas.
Yeah, I’m a scrooge. Whatevah.
So the boys have been busy doing boy things. Whatever it is they do. You know, acne cream and way overdoing the Axe body spray. Cuz that’s how they roll.
Sarge has been busy having MS and all that. Playing Army med board chess. Once again proving that no matter how long and how honorably you served, you’re still just a social security number.
I’ve been busy doing, ummm, you know, me things. Whatever it is I do. Running a lot. Probably too much. My knee is threatening to go on strike at any moment. And I just ignore its silly little pestering crepitus. Cuz that’s how I roll.
If I can bribe one of my spawn properly, I will hopefully have a couple of pics of my (drumroll…..) first ever running event ever in the history of myself. Do they call it a race? Or an event? Does it matter? Anyway, this Sunday, Sarge and I will be running a 10K together AND I AM SO SUPER EXCITED I CAN’T SIT STILL!!!
Oh my lord, I just used exclamation points. What’s the world coming to?
So, anyway. To recap. Aimee hates holidays. Aimee is a slutty whoring little bitch of a wife because she cancelled Sarge’s birthday, even though he got to buy a new truck. The boys have zits. Sarge still has MS. And AIMEE IS A BADASS BITCH!
The end.
5 minions who have sucked on my crap:
If I knew who invented holidays I'd hunt them down and stuff them. Threaten to hide the acne cream if they don't take pics I demand pics!! and exclamation points are cool. The end.
Eh, I was feeling rather Scroogy myself earlier. I got over it. Now I'm back in the Christmas spirit -in a sugary, annoying kind of way. Birthdays? Dude that's just so wrong! You're the birthday block! "No birthday for you!" :)
So, the "birthday block." Is that kinda like being a "cock block?" Ouch. That hurt. My mom shames me for the birthday thing, too, though, so it's cool. If I wasn't being a bitch in some way, I would feel totally out of my element.
Ack birthdays are the devil and should forever be banned from existance. Although I do make an awesome girlfriend/wife because I don't even remember my own birthday let alone know when my boyfriend/spouse has forgotten mine so it's always a "surprise" when my husband buys me a birthday gift. Although I get him nothing. Never have. I don't even KNOW when his birthday is or how old he is exactly I'd have to count it up if I could remember what year he was born.
Birthdays are stupid. So why do people get celebrated cause they were born? Their MOMS should get all the gifts.
Good to hear everyone is still everyone.
Got me a new Whip too--first one in over 10 years! 2012 Kia Optima. Smokin'.
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