June 7, 2011
If you were not aware, we had some pretty gnarly weather here in the NC back in April. A tornado missed our neighborhood by a couple hundred meters. It was pretty damn scary. Just up the street, literally walking distance, was all kinds of damage like nothing I'd ever seen before, even growing up in Alabama. There's a neighborhood I run through every morning where some of that damage remains, and the pattern is just.... well.... strange. Probably 40 or 50 houses in the whole neighborhood, maybe half have some kind of damage, even if only minor. The other half are completely untouched. A very few houses, maybe 5 or 6, are total losses. But those 5 or 6 are oddly scattered in between completely untouched houses. Finally, I grabbed my phone as I ran out the door this morning so that I could share with you what I think is irrefutable proof of the existence of god. I have had a lot of time to ponder this, so I'm pretty sure I'm right. Mainly because I am never wrong. So it just makes sense. Anyway. Kirk Cameron ain't got nuthin on me.
This house is an excellent example. The house right next door is virtually untouched save for a few shingles missing on the roof. Obviously, the family to whom this house belongs has been slacking on their tithing lately. That, or they've been skipping Sunday School in favor of making it to the Golden Corral buffet before the rest of the congregation.
Damn Wiccans defiling such an upstanding, middle class, god-fearing neighborhood. This oughta teach them a thingertoo.
SATAN WORSHIPPERS!!
Clearly, the Almighty is not happy with their extracurricular swinger parties after Wednesday night choir practice.
Ahhhhh...... This must be Rev. Fuckmeintheass's house. Obviously, the tornado struck before he got caught playing super secret naked time with the church secretary.
So, there you have it, folks. No question, unarguable scientific proof of the existence of our lord and savior, the nature of his blessings, and the devastation of his wrath. I dare you to prove me wrong.
6 minions who have sucked on my crap:
You crack me up!!!
I can't wait to hear the 911 tapes about a little girl running through the neighborhood taking photos of people's houses lol
so what happens when self righteous misguided Christian types have a pipe break or a toilet back up? Do they call in an exorcist?
I'm pretty sure that's only the pretentious, misguided catholic types. Most other christians believe they must lean not on their own understanding and go ahead and call a plumber. It's us pretentious, misguided atheist types who know the real deal. If you want that shit done right, do it your damn self.
@ Dafeenah- I've discovered the secret to keeping people from calling the cops on me for being a "child." Daisy mutherfuckin dukes! Yeah. All you have to do is wear the shortest shorts possible just shy of running in your panties. Then, they're too busy wiping the drool off their chin to call the cops. Yay me!
Holy fuckstick that's reality,
The folks I know who would even assign the idea of punishment such as this for the unwashed and unrighteous are pretty fringe. (Read: uneducated and generally knee-jerk in discussions of all matters, religious or not).
Sure, I live around a prig or two, but even those folks stepped right up and gathered round when one of our neighbors' sons hanged himself on the back deck. Not one tried to tell his parents that suicide is a "sin".
But hey, I have atheist friends who are pissed the fuck off that Chick-fil-A isn't open on Sundays. I've offered to buy them all a beer.
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