March 12, 2011
Sarge and I went out to eat last night at one of those Japanese steakhouse places. Andrew went to Gramma's this weekend, so it was Jake, Sarge, and me. We shared a table with a younger couple and their 3 very young children. And I noticed something in retrospect that I find quite sad.
See, Sarge is my best bud. And when we're together, we have stuff to talk about. Lots of stuff. Even if it's just people-watching and cracking jokes. And this evening, like we always do, we spent the entire dinner talking, laughing, and cracking private jokes. You have to understand. We've been up each others asses since we were kids, ya know. (figuratively speaking.... for the most part)
But, in retrospect, I realized something. The only time the younger couple talked to each other was to pass off a kid, reach the diaper bag, maybe pick something off each others plate. That's it. Now, I realize that having toddlers (they had 3) is stressful as fuck. Especially loading all 3 of them up and taking them out in public. But those kids were remarkably well behaved. Mom and Dad sat next to each other. Completely silent. Eating their dinner.
Maybe they're going through a rough patch?
Maybe they both had a stressful day and just wanted to eat?
Maybe Sarge and I just talk too fucking much and are painfully immature and obnoxious?
Maybe I've forgotten what it's like to have toddlers?
Of course, it's easy for me to judge from where I stand now. I don't have clingers anymore. Shitty diapers. Screaming. Bottles. Being absolutely saturated and underwater in an ocean that is a toddler.
But I do know that there is no way in hell Sarge and I could sit next to each other and NOT. SAY. ANYTHING.
Somebody's gonna crack a sex joke. Somebody's going to bring up some inconsequential tid bit of our day that is inevitably going to lead into an "OH. MY GAH! I have to tell you about ____!" type of conversation, which usually gets so involved that we don't even hear or notice when the cook asks how we want our meat cooked. And if none of that happpens, somebody is going to pinch somebody. Just for the hell of it.
We can have entire conversations about how much laundry soap I should use and whether towels should be washed in cold or hot water. Sarge will even use sound effects. No lie.
He'll mispronounce a word and we'll proceed to talk about the definition, word forms, and latin roots for the next hour. Sarge will even use sound effects.
We could be in a completely sterile room with white padded walls and..... well.... we'd probably have sex first.... and then we'd talk about the chemical composition of said padding. Sarge will even use sound effects.
Now, of course, all of this goes against everything I've ever said about disliking idle chat....but that only counts for other people. Sarge doesn't count.
So, back to my young couple at the table.
Without knowing shit about anything in regard to their circumstance, I find it sad. Sad that they can make these babies, raise these babies, sit at a table and eat dinner, and have absolutely nothing to talk about. Not even any sound effects.
So what gives all you married peeps? I know it's quite common to hear people say that their spouse is their "best friend," but really?
Are Sarge and I just those immature, obnoxious besties who giggle and text each other through the entire movie just for the hell of it? Hell, we have already dyed each others hair.
Are you a stuffed shirt when you're hangin' out with your ball and chain? Do you feel stifled? A sense of obligation to ask about their day?
Do you even hang out? Not like date night. But really, just hang out? Not like watching the same TV program in the same room. But really hangin' out?
Oh, by the way. Sarge has informed me that today is the day Frodo and Sam encounter Shelob just outside Mount Doom. And then I informed him that Bilbo's birthday is the same day as his mother's birthday, and, of course, the same day as Frodo's birthday. So far, no sound effects.
15 minions who have sucked on my crap:
You 2 sounds just like us! Although I would hate to share a table with anyone because we wouldn't want anyone to hear our conversations. People would undoubtedly be offended. He is my BFF and we act like it. :-) Of course, no toddlers here either. Whew! Hoping that holds out a few more years!!
Well cultural circumstances aside which keeps us from reaching the level of maturity that you have my husband and I are more BFF than ball and chain unless we are watching cricket then all bets are off.
I have not heard that song in years....
I wish I had a bff.
that's one of my favorite songs and favorite bands...
you and the Bobina sound a lot like us - we get off just being together. I would be honored if the four of us could sit at a table and make fun of everyone else in the room.
Yeah, we're drowning in a sea of toddlers right now and there is no way we could be silent, either. For the most part we just make fun of the kids...
I notice couples like that, and like you, I think WTF?!? And then I wonder if they even LIKE each other, much less love one another.
My husband and I do everything together. And, at the end of the day, we fall into bed, no tv and no distractions, and talk about all of it.
Hell, who knows. Maybe that's because we were friends for eleven years before we ever even considered a relationship. *sigh*
I, in the other hand am married to a man that I am lucky to even know his middle name. He no a talker, a fabulous listener... For the most part, but not so much on the feed back. It works for us, and I him beyond belief. He would be completely content with driving the 8 hours to tn in complete silence. He talks when he needs to, communicates when he has to, and listens to be bitch without interruption. Like I said, it works for us!
Okay I sounded a little like an inbred 8 th grader there, I'm blaming it on autocorrect.
@ Rachel- Toddlers aren't that bad. You'll be fine. Okay, I'm lying. Toddlers are the spawn of satan. Carry a rosary and always put a little holy water in their bottle.
@ Dafeenah- I don't know why I think it's cool that you (him?) watch cricket. It's soooo...exotic LOL.
@ Lance- I'd love to have another couple to hang with. All (read- 2) the couples that were even remotely compatible with us have moved or are deployed. Maybe that's why we talk to each other so much, cause there's just no one else who wouldn't be offended or annoyed by us.
@ Jennifer- I really wish your autocorrect would have popped off with something worthy of http://damnyouautocorrect.com/
You married your BFF,
Me too.
Took 11 years of being my BFF before I had the guts to get hitched.
We annoy the hell out of everyone.
Talking you see.
And i don't just have soundeffects, I compose mg own soundtrack with flourishes as we go along ;-)
Social D = me likes. Maybe that couple is so into technology and maybe texting obsessed that they've forgotten how to speak. Everywhere I go nowadays everyone has their face in their phones. No one speaks. WTH?
What's funny is, if I had sat down with this couple, I would not have noticed the silence. I might have been amazed that they were able to enjoy a dinner with such small children. I mean, 3 toddlers at a restaurant that isn't fast food? Wow! My youngest is 7 and I know I am already out of touch with what it was like when I go eat at Chick-Fil-A. I am all "Oh, how cute" and amazed when such tiny people can do so many things, like I haven't popped out 3 myself and wiped every booger from their toddler noses and spent many a day keeping them alive.
Because that's what it was all about to me at that stage and mine are spaced several years apart! You spend your days making sure you are making the right decisions for this little person.
I am thinking if these 2 were laughing, cracking up, casting glances at other people and pointing out their faults, they wouldn't be focused on the very real nature of keeping those kiddos in line--hell the odds are against them--they are already outnumbered. And guess what these kids would do when they realized Mom and Dad were subdividing their attention! Act the hell up! It's universal.
And the sheer exhaustion, OMG. I'm thinking if I had toddlers again, the only reason I would go out to a restaurant is to prove I could still muster the energy and that those little crumb grabbers hadn't stolen my last morsel of "Let's PARTY!" "See, honey we CAN still go out even if we have to plan it 6 days ahead, drug everyone with Tylenol PM and take a u-haul for all the diapers, wipes and toys."
My husband is my friend, but he is a different friend than my BFF who makes me laugh the entire time I'm with her, or the other BFF who just sits quietly with me, etc etc.
We have lots to talk about, parse, debate and laugh about, but on the other hand, we have different interests. Sorry, I do NOT play PS3 war games and he doesn't shake his booty to "It's raining men" on the Wii.
He is a total Man's man extreme right, patriotic dude and I am a somewhat liberal-leaning confused semi-libertarian (unless it's Thursday), intellectual but compassionate, overly logical mixed-up bag of dichotomy. I would be sunk if he ever stooped low enough to point how many times I sway back-and-forth in one week.
I think I make him crazy but I know for certain he can't live without me. Sounds maudlin, but the man is besotted. We are at such ends of the spectrum, it does sometimes defy logic why we are together.
So, I am thinking all relationships are different. Even if they had been sitting there saying, "Pass me the bottle, you asshole" "Just a minute, you bitch", they might have had some awesome monkey grudge sex when they got home.
Who knows?!! But it's fun to wonder, right?
Some days we are like that couple. We are so consumed by our kids that we hardly notice each other. It is sad. Very sad.
We don't spend enough time alone anymore. The toddler survival days have been replaced with baseball practice, dance, tumbling, softball, etc. Different setting, but exhausting nonetheless.
We desperately need alone time!!! The thing is my family lives 6 hours away and his family is too crazy! We have no one, really, to keep our kids!
Mr. OCD thinks that as long as he gets his groove on once or twice a week, all is hunky-dory. I relish my monthly Bunco nights with the girls!
Oh Barb, how I love you so. You're the only one who ever has the guts to call someone out on their blog comments. You're a lot closer to toddler ages than I am, obviously. And you're right, I remember those days of mind-numbing nose-wiping. Mind-numbing is truly the best way to describe it, and perhaps this couple did look a bit shell shocked. I guess it's the same thing as trying to talk on the phone with toddlers. Everyone knows the best time to have a meltdown is when Mom and Dad are trying not to pay attention to you.
And I am totally, undeniably giddy that you used the word "maudlin." You are an old soul, truly ;)
@ LB- It does get better, I promise. The absolute best parenting day I ever had was the first day I tested the waters of leaving my kids home alone. Just 15 minutes, up to the store and back, but I did it. Better than hearing the first "momma" any day of the week.
The Hubby and I attempt to have actual conversations when we are out with our boys (ages 7 & 5 - who NEVER shut up). We succeed for the most part. Of course it takes 3 times as long to have that conversation because of the constant interruptions, but hey they are 7 & 5.
The funny thing, though, is that when it's just the two of us...we tend not to talk as much. Maybe it's just that we are enjoying the silence...
Oh silence...how I love thee!
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